Perils of Penelope Pitstop: The Abridged Series
by Orange Ratchet
Summary: Satire of the Penelope Pitstop show. Join Penelope, the Hooded Claw, the Ant Hill Mob and the Bully Brothers as they go through their entire show, only with different personalities, be it funny, sadistic or dark as hell itself! Read and Review!


Okay, I've decided to do something entirely different... I'm going to do a parody of one of my favorite Hanna-Barbara shows... and I don't mean parody as in fanmake... no, I mean satire, really make the characters different than who they are... you know, like the Mentally Advanced Series of My Little Pony, or Yu-Gi-Oh The Abridged Series! Well, I hope you enjoy this first chapter!

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**WARNING! The following is a parody of the Perils of Penelope Pitstop show, and may contain some foul language not suitable for young children. Also, most, if not all characters may not act like their normal characters on the show! But, hey, it's a satire fanfiction, so enjoy it while you can! Enjoy!**

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_Episode 1: Jungle Jeopardy OR The Search for Coke Part 1  
_

Today in the wonderful world of... Earth, we see the most prettiest woman in the world, the pink clad girl with the purple helmet with white goggles, Penelope Pitstop, as she rides on a plane, preparing her break as she decides to ride around Africa! Say, Penelope, why are you riding around Africa?

"Oh, I had a little in-debt with my lawyers, and I have to ride this plane around the world for charity!" Penelope frowned. "Those goddamn lawyers always wants me to do the craziest things! First, they want me to strip for moolah! Then, it's dance around a pole for cash! Now this driving a plane around for money... it makes me want to kill myself!"

Meanwhile, from down below, the guardian of the Pitstop fortune, Sylvester Sneekly, in his business suit, was looking up at the sky through the binoculars, his eyes following the plane as he was on a boat, with two similarly dressed twin brothers, known as the Bully Brothers, drove that boat.

"Faster, Bully Brothers! My plan to off that Pitstop girl has to succeed so that I may acquire the fortune!" Sylvester said.

One of the Bully Brothers, hearing this, frowned as he stopped the boat, causing Sylvester to fall over. Sylvester frowned as he looked at the two Bully Brothers. "What the hell?"

"We're not driving! Not until you say our real names!" The first Bully Brother frowned.

"None of you were GIVEN real names on the show!" Sylvester argued.

"Is that how you treat your lowly servants?" the second Bully Brother cried. "We work for you, and you pay our health benefits... the least you can do is say our names!"

Sylvester rolled his eyes as he growled, "Fine... Crane and Tank!"

The first Bully Brother, Crane, smiled. "See? Was that so hard?"

"COME ON, YOU DAMN IDIOTS!" Sylvester yelled. "WE'RE LOSING HER!"

Meanwhile, up on the plane, Penelope sighed as she muttered to herself, "How do I get in situations like these! I used to have a happy childhood! What happened with my life?"

Penelope frowned as she turned the key off the ignition. "That does it, I'm freaking ending my life, I'm crashing this plane."

All of a sudden, the engine exploded as the plane started to drop in the sky.

Tank, the youngest twin of the Bully Brothers, looked up stupidly as he said, "Say, is Penelope crashing her plane?"

"If she's killing herself, great! More reason for me to have the fortune!" Sylvester smiled. "She's what, sixteen? I'm not waiting two more years until she claims that fortune, so if she ends her life early, I have it all!"

"I feel bad for her, though. She's not that bad of a girl." Crane said.

"Yeah, she's like, so awesome." Tank said.

"Some day, I'm going to have to cut your throats!" Sylvester frowned. "When did I hire two dumb idiots!"

Meanwhile, down in the ground, driving around was the Ant Hill Mob, seven little men in business suits, with their black car known as Chug-A-Boom driving along the forest.

The leader, Clyde, was looking up smiling as the car kept running into the trees and said, in a Scottish voice; "Nothing feels good like deforestation to keep the heart pumping, lads!"

"Say, Clyde, isn't that Penelope crashing her plane up there?" Dum Dum, whose name is a misnomer, said as he said it in an intelligent voice.

"So it is, Dum Dum! As usual, Penelope keeps trying to off herself!" Clyde sighed. "Aye, the trouble we go to just to keep her life goin'. Come on, let's drive to it. Let's just hope that Penelope doesn't do something stupid, or is pretty useless like Sneezy."

"My name is... ZZZ... Snoozy." Snoozy said, repeating the letter Z over and over as his eyes were closed.

"I KNOW YOUR NAME, YOU FREAKING LAD!" Clyde yelled with his accent as both he and Pockets started poking each other. "And stop pokin' me, Pockets!"

"Sorry, Herr. I just like to touch things." Pockets said in a very German voice.

Back in the air, Penelope sighed as she was now stuck on a cliff, climbing down. "So much for crashing the plane. Now I have no choice but to climb down... you know, I hear Africa sells the best coke around. Maybe I can find that cocaine plant and get high."

From nearby the boat, as Sylvester Sneekly was dressing up in his green hat, purple shirt, mask and green cloak, he laughed as he said, "Boy, the bitch must really want to sneak drugs in her life to avoid the bad things."

"I don't know. I think coke's pretty interesting!" Tank smiled. "I mean, with all the fuzzy bubbles that come in the drink, some ice cubes, and they serve it at fast food restaurants! I don't blame Penelope for wanting a drink!"

Crane turned to Tank with a weird look... and sighed. "Tank... how did I get stuck with you for a brother?"

"God intended it that way." Tank smiled.

"Come on, we better go trap the bitch." Sylvester said. "Luckily, the girl is so emo in her life, she can't tell the difference between me and the Hooded Claw, the guy who murdered her own parents in her sleep."

Crane, looking at him with wide eyes, said, "That is pretty dark."

"I don't pay you to comment. Now, come Bully Brothers!" Sylvester said. "Let's get going!"

"Seriously, can we quit?" Crane asked.

With Penelope, as she was climbing down, she looked over and started blinking her eyes flirtaesiously at the camera.

"Ah, man, I got something in my eyelash, and I've got to bat my eyes to get it off me." Penelope complained. "Boy, do I talk to myself a lot. I've got to find a character to talk to, or people will think I'm going insane."

"Hi, Pitstop!" the Hooded Claw yelled from the tree he was on, holding a sling shot.

Penelope Pitstop, turning her head towards the voice, frowned as she rolled her eyes. "Oh, it's you again, Claw. I suppose you want to kill me because you didn't finish the job of killing the entire Pitstop family!"

"Yeah, you guessed right." the Hooded Claw smiled. "Say, Pitstop, knock knock!"

"Who's there?" Penelope batted her eyes.

"Breaking physics!" the Hooded Claw said as he used the slingshot to shoot a rock near Penelope's feet.

"Breaking physics wh-?" Penelope said when a chunk of the cliff fell with her in it.

Penelope screamed as she hung on to a vine.

"Hi, Penny!" Crane and Tank smiled as they waved to Penelope.

"Hi Crane, hi Tank!" Penelope smiled.

The Hooded Claw frowned as he looked up at the trees where the Bully Brothers were. "How does she know YOUR names?"

"Come on, these two are hilarious! While they're completely irrelevant on the show, if this story continues, they'll probably be the breakout characters in this story." Penelope mentioned.

"So, these two are going to be a running gag?" The Hooded Claw groaned. "Crane, Tank, cut the vine."

"Okay!" Tank said as he and Crane cut the vine, causing Penelope to fall into a cage smaller than her.

"Ah, the old cage trap. All right, what are we going to do today?" Penelope asked.

"You'll see, Pitstop!" The Hooded Claw laughed.

Meanwhile, somewhere as the Ant Hill Mob were chasing Chug-A-Boom, Clyde muttered in his voice; "Never let Gloop drive again..."

"My name is... ZZZ... Snoozy." Snoozy said.

"I KNOW YOUR FUCKING NAME, LAD! GODS!" Clyde groaned.

_TO BE CONTINUED..._

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And there's Chapter 1! How was it? More of the abridged series is coming this way, so don't miss it! If you have any suggestions, leave them in a review! Anyway, review away!


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